Leslie Rutherford
President
The Rutherford’s lost their baby girl in the Fall of 2007 when Leslie was 35 weeks along. Leslie’s pregnancy had been progressing normally, although like most expectant mothers, she was a bit uncomfortable. During the first few months, Leslie felt sick to her stomach and was also admitted to the ER with a migraine headache. In the last trimester, Leslie was feeling better and had several normal appointments with her doctor. She and her family were getting everything ready for the baby when the unimaginable happened. On a calm October evening, Leslie stood up from the couch to take her 4-year-old son, Jack, to bed and she felt a gush of blood.
Allen, her husband, rushed her to the hospital where the doctors confirmed the worst. There was no heartbeat; their baby was gone. While trying to decide whether or not to go through with a VBAC, Leslie’s bleeding became profuse and the doctor’s hurried her into surgery.
Her placenta had erupted due to pre-eclampsia and the bleeding would not stop due to a blood coagulation process called disseminated intravascular coagulation. The situation was also complicated by the presence of HELLP Syndrome. After transfusing Leslie with three units of platelets, the doctors performed a C-Section, got the bleeding under control and saved Leslie’s life.
After surgery Allen, Leslie and Leslie’s parents were blessed to spend six short hours with their beautiful baby girl, Annie. A non-profit organization, Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, sent a photographer who took a series of beautiful pictures of Annie that they will treasure forever.
After losing her daughter, Leslie has struggled to find meaning in the loss. An opportunity to give back first presented itself when Leslie got word that the founders of “A Walk to Remember” were not planning to continue the event. Although some days are still a struggle to find the sense in a senseless tragedy, she hopes to create awareness about this subject that is rarely, if ever, discussed.
Leslie has worked for non-profit organizations since 1997 in various capacities including marketing, development and administrative. She hopes that her experience will serve to keep "A Walk to Remember" accessible to all who take this difficult journey.
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SuzAnne Cortright
Vice President
Director of Volunteer Services
As I begin my story I want to send my heartfelt sympathy to you for the loss of your precious loved one. I was expecting my third child with great joy and anticipation, knowing she would change my life, believing it would all be wonderful.
My beautiful daughter, Lacey Rose, was born silently into God’s hands on August 27, 2004. We had an ultrasound at 25 weeks when we learned that her kidneys were not functioning properly and because of this, my amniotic fluid was extremely low, creating more problems. With the knowledge that she was not well, I continued to carry her for another 5 weeks. I prayed that the doctors were wrong and that she would be healthy.
Unfortunately this was not the case and I began the journey of my grief walk. I had no idea of how my heart would break. I learned that my world would never be the same. I was provided comfort through my faith, family, friends and the amazing people that were brought into my life as we walked this road together.
"There was a time when our hearts were beating together. Day’s that were so few, full of love and you. Life won’t be the same without you to hold again, in my arms to ease the pain and remember…" --John Denver
The first Walk to Remember was held two months after the birth of my daughter. While walking, I realized that the way I could mother Lacey was to give of myself and my time. It was not the way I wanted to mother her but I began to find peace in honoring her this way. My hope for A Walk to Remember is to bring much needed support and care through the love I have for my daughter to others. I have become a resource for many families as they endure this pain.
My husband and I actively volunteer for Colorado Pregnancy and Newborn Loss as a host parents during their loss group and I have been involved with their Pregnancy After Loss group. I spoke on behalf of CPNL to the March of Dimes and at CPNL’s 2008 fund raiser. I have volunteered with Rowan Tree Foundation. For the past two years I served as Prayer and Care Coordinator in a group for mothers and continue to write letters in response to prayer needs through my church. My husband and I serve the community on the Drug and Safety Awareness Board for Douglas County Schools. I am serving as Vice President for A Walk to Remember and my specific involvement will be volunteer coordination and education development.
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Amy Lugowski
Treasurer
2008 Walk Director
Amy Lugowski first participated with her husband, Craig, in the 2007 A Walk to Remember, after the loss of their twin boys Aiden and Benjamin to TTTS in February of that year. Amy and Craig were introduced to the foundation, as many are, at the hospital during delivery of their twins. A care package with materials to assist with the grieving process was delivered to them by a nurse. It was because of these materials and the people involved in putting them together that Amy became involved in A Walk to Remember.
"Knowing what so many families go through with the loss of a baby(ies), it was imperative that she give back to the community through the education of grief resources, care packages and by the annual walk fundraiser and memorial."
Denise Tiberi
Secretary
Grandmother of lost infant girl would like to help as much as possible and be available to listen and provide comfort wherever needed
Brandi Bradley
Director of Media and Public Relations
My name is Brandi Bradley and I just turned 33 years old. I have been married for almost ten years and knew that I wanted to wait to have children until I completed Physical Therapy school. Most of my friends and family got pregnant at the drop of a hat, so I just assumed that when I was ready I wouldn’t have any problems! Much to my surprise I would have to wait almost four long years and endure things I never thought possible. Jay and I struggled with infertility for four years before deciding to go through with in vitro. I never realized how difficult the unexplained infertility struggle was-until I was in the midst of it! I wanted desperately to have some sort of diagnosis, so I could understand why it was so hard for me to get pregnant. The day I decided to do the cycle, I was nervous, scared and anxious. Again wondering why I was having to go through something like this when there were so many people that were pregnant that didn’t want children. That was just the beginning of the “life is so unfair comments.” If only I had known what was in store for me, I would have wanted those days back.
We found out June 29th, 2006 that we were pregnant. It was one of the happiest days of my life. Two weeks later we found out we had been blessed with twins and I couldn’t believe that I was going to not only be a first time mom, but one to two babies at the same time!! I got to watch them grow through ultrasound every two weeks and was amazed at their change each visit. At about sixteen weeks, we found out we were having a little boy and a little girl-my life couldn’t be better! We started on the nursery, with the help of our family and poured every ounce of love into it that we had. We could hardly contain ourselves and neither could our friends or family. We immediately started picking out names and the twins were no longer Baby A and Baby B, but they became Michael Cole Bradley and Emerson Riley Bradley. Over the next few months, their personalities really started to show, Cole was the calm, cool, and collected twin and his sister was going to be my wild child. We had four weeks left until our approximate due date and went in for our weekly ultrasound and I found myself very anxious. As the ultrasound tech looked at Cole, I began to relax. He looked great. She then went up to Emerson and very abruptly said something was wrong and that she couldn’t find a heartbeat. In that instant, my life changed forever. They kept trying to find out what had happened and no one had a clue. We were placed in the hospital for the next four weeks to allow Cole to continue to grow until he was 36 weeks in gestation. I was on a monitor for him 23 hours a day and watched part of my stomach grow and the other part flatten. I was completely devastated, and at the same time trying to be strong for Cole. I was scared to death that I was going to lose him too. I was supposed to be taking birthing classes and getting ready for two babies to come home, instead of was trying to decide whether or not to bury or cremate Emerson. That is something no parent should ever have to decide!
Four long weeks passed and nothing could have prepared me for their birth. Instead of being excited about bringing two babies home, I was preparing for Cole to arrive and at the same time to bury my daughter. About one hour after they were born, we held a memorial in the hospital for Emerson for all of our family and friends. I sat in my wheelchair holding my son and looking at my dead daughter, wondering how my life could have turned out this way!
Over the last year, I have found myself transitioning through the stages of grief. At first I was completely numb, followed be utter sadness, and then came anger. I was in the anger stage for a VERY long time. Angry not only that I lost my daughter, but that I would never be that happy-go-lucky person again. I had to learn to grieve not only the loss of my daughter, but the loss of who I used to be as well. Then I realized that being angry was not going to honor Emerson or allow me to be a good mother to Cole. I have since moved on to acceptance, not that I am not angry or sad most days!!
I am very passionate about the walk, because I am always trying to find ways to remember Emerson. The walk is one of the most beautiful things I have ever been a part of. It also gives your family members a way to grieve the baby that they lost as well. I am trying to find something positive that will come from losing Emerson, and now I really feel that my job is to help other families get through this process and not to feel alone in their walk with grief!! I am saddened that anyone has to be a part of this, but encouraged that you will find support from the members of this foundation. Be strong and be kind to yourself, this is a journey that we will each experience every day for the rest of our lives.
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Jill Breheny
Co-Director of Education Services
I am passionate about helping with the Walk to Remember because I know how healing and important this walk has been for my family. "You must do the thing you think you cannot do." Eleanor Roosevelt This quote has touched me on so many levels during my journey with grief. When I was told that my baby had no heartbeat and yet, I had to somehow move through the physically grueling task of labor and delivery, my mind could not connect how I would survive this birthing process. During that birth, I literally lost my old self and many of my old assumptions and beliefs. I did not know then how many lessons my sweet baby would teach me even though he never uttered a sound on this earth. Later, as I sat in a grief group with parents who had all lost their babies, the spark of hope that I felt was from watching the faces of the three incredible facilitators who had survived the loss of their baby and they were now gracefully and lovingly helping us to walk the path none of us could have ever imagined. It was the example of these first three grief facilitators who gave me hope in the midst of my all-consuming grief. I will forever be grateful to Steve Fisher, Caprice Bass and Natalie Wurzer for showing me how to honor my loss and my baby by walking with others during their grief.
I was drawn to help with the Walk to Remember organization and helped in a small way in both 2006 and 2007 by adding items to the Silent Auction and helping a little bit prior to the Walk. Talking with families on the day of the Walk both years as individuals and large groups of families came forward to sign in and get their t-shirts was incredibly moving and healing for my soul. As time passed, I longed to help more and on a deeper level. We have made it a family tradition to deliver the Walk to Remember care packages to area hospitals for those who have just freshly lost a baby. It helps my whole family tremendously to deliver those packages to let others know they are not alone, that support is available and most importantly, that others care so deeply for them even though we may never meet.
I am honored to be part of the Walk to Remember organization in 2008 and my heart is pulled towards helping hospital staff connect with parents who have just lost a baby. Labor and delivery medical staff observe the happiest and most joyful moments that life can offer and they also witness the most devastating hours for parents. I have the intention of helping with the Walk this year, but also with the important creation of an education and assistance program for the labor and delivery staff so that they are able to serve parents in grief in a loving and empathetic manner. Parents who have survived the loss of their baby speak from an authentic and experiential place that may be hard to grasp otherwise. It will be an honor to create a legacy for my son that will help other parents who have lost a baby. This legacy will not only be healing for me, but it is my deepest hope and intention that it will be healing and helpful for grieving parents. It hasn’t been easy to enter labor and delivery sections of hospitals to deliver the care packages, but ultimately I know that "(I) must do the thing (I) think (I) cannot do" because that challenging and heart wrenching moment is more healing than anything else I know to do.
I would like to close by honoring both Natalie Wurzer and Christina Kolk who worked tirelessly for four years on organizing the Walk to Remember and care packages to Denver area hospitals. Thank you Natalie and Christina for your heartfelt work and thousands of hours of dedication to families who needed the support more than we will ever know.
"The life you live is the lesson you teach." (author unknown)
"It is healing to remember and remembering is healing." Elie Wiesel
In honor of my baby, Chad Maxwell Breheny 12/5/05
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Jen Mayes
Co-Director of Bereavement Care Services
Jen Mayes joined the Walk to Remember team to make a difference for bereaved families of the future. Jen and her husband Brian lost their only child, Grace Addison as a result of complications due to HELLP Syndrome. Their daughter Grace was stillborn on November 11, 2006.
At the time of their loss, Jen and Brian experienced an amazing outpouring of support from their care providers. The hospital staff had volumes of information about local groups, memento making, ideas for keepsakes, and said all the right things. In the time since Grace’s death, Jen and Brian have learned just how singular their experience was. Families who lose a baby are not always given so much information and support at the time when they need the most.
The parts of the Walk to Remember mission that Jen is most passionate about are the Bereavement Care Packages, and the Awareness program. “I feel that every mother and father should receive as much information as possible at the time of their loss. Our Bereavement Care Packages are full of the most up-to-date information on local groups, contact names and numbers for individual support, as well as ideas for making those memories that will be cherished forever.” Jen’s desire is to build a network of liaisons between the area hospitals and the Walk to Remember outreach teams to ensure that hospitals have all the information we can offer at all times.
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Jill McDaniel
Co-Director of Bereavement Care Services
Jill McDaniel joined the Walk to Remember to help build a network where all area hospitals are prepared with bereavement care packages for families who are facing this most devastating loss. In 2006, Jill and her husband Justin moved back to their native Colorado to be closer to family and focus on starting their own family. Jill quit her high school science teaching job in Arizona and Justin found an engineering job in the Denver area. After their first round of in-vitro, Jill was pregnant with twins, a girl and boy. However, on December 2, 2007, their only children JL and JL were born prematurely.
As a result of their own experience, Jill is especially passionate about the bereavement care packages the hospitals will receive from the fundraising of the Walk to Remember. Jill and Justin were able to hold their little girl and boy, take pictures and create some lasting memories because of the guidance of their hospital staff and bereavement counselor. In their darkest hour, they were able to choose clothes, hats, and blankets for their twins. They received a journal, camera, grief support resources, and books that helped them cope with the devastating loss of their children. "We felt completely lost, alone and empty. The bereavement package and support resources truly made a difference in our lives. If someone else has to go through this horrible nightmare, then I want them to have the support we did."
Stacy Merkel
Director of Bereavement Support Services
Steve Merkel
Director of Technology
In March 2005, after 7 years of trying to conceive, Stacy and Steve Merkel were blessed with a twin pregnancy. Steve remembers, "We were expecting fraternal twin boys and were overjoyed at the thought of finally sharing our life with children." It was a stressful pregnancy, but even after experiencing several twin pregnancy complications, both boys were healthy. Stacy delivered, via emergency c-section, at 36 weeks due to fetal distress of Twin A. They lost their son Jackson, November 4th, 2005, at 5 days old due to complications from an undiagnosed infection that both boys contracted in utero. Their other twin son Bowen had a short stay in the NICU, and is now a thriving 2 year old. Stacy reflects "Each and every day, I am overcome by both happiness and grief at Bowen’s milestones and accomplishments, knowing that Jack should be there right along with him. As Bowen grows up without his twin brother I am driven to remember Jackson and to honor my twin sons in every way I can."
Stacy joined Walk to Remember foundation because of a need to help those who are unexpectedly walking the path of infant loss. "I am eternally grateful to those who took me under their wing when I needed support and want to continue to give back and give that support to others. No one should go through this alone". Currently Stacy also facilitates the Twin Loss Support Group of Colorado, which is a group founded to provide support to women facing the challenges of losing a child and raising his/her surviving twin or higher order multiple. "My hope in working with the Walk to Remember Foundation, as the Director of Bereavement Support Services, is that we can provide needed bereavement resources to parents who have recently suffered a loss and to help them find other support and services they might need as they walk this path." Stacy also hopes to work as a liaison with other support/grief organizations in building an ongoing partnership and network of support contacts and services for those who need it.
Steve joined Walk to Remember as a way to honor his lost child. "This is one way that I can ensure that the memory of Jack lives on. If he can live on only in memory, than I am going to do all that I can to ensure the memory is incredible." As Director of Technology, Steve hopes that by providing his time and technical expertise in establishing the needed information systems and hosting infrastructure, the foundation will be able to continue to grow and make a broader impact in the community. "Having an environment that streamlines our processes, and allows us to reach a broader community is crucial to our mission of providing the support needed to families who have suffered a loss."
Both Stacy and Steve are proud to be a part of such a wonderful group of people who have turned the tragedies in their lives into something to be remembered.
"Most people only dream of angels, we held one in our arms." - Unknown
In Honor of Jackson Douglas Merkel
10.30.05 – 11.04.05
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Corinne O'Flynn
Co-Director of Education Services
Corinne O’Flynn joined the Walk to Remember team to be a part of continuing something special. "Some of the most powerful experiences I have had since we lost our daughter have been in connecting with other bereaved parents. While the sadness of the shared loss is undeniable, there is an incredible amount of hope to be found when so many people gather to remember our children."
Corinne and Mike lost their daughter Rowan in December of 1999. Their first child, Rowan was born with full Trisomy 18, and lived for 22 short hours. Since that time, Corinne has founded the Rowan Tree Foundation, a nonprofit with a mission to provide support and resources to families after the death of a child. In December 2007, Rowan Tree Foundation erected a child loss memorial for the public. Continuing with Corinne’s belief in the power of connection, the statue is the site of annual remembrance events which have brought many people together to remember, grieve, share, and heal.
Corinne also facilitates a monthly bereavement support group for parents through the MISS Foundation. "Over the years, I have learned the stories of many bereaved parents and have been struck by their incredibly varied experiences at the hospital. One of the goals that I am most passionate about with Walk to Remember is developing an Education and Awareness program where we can enter the area hospitals and speak to the care providers. These amazing people are tasked with so much, especially in the emotional time of a stillbirth or newborn death. There is an opportunity to develop a dialogue with these medical staff; to share the things that help and to explore ways to bring about change where it is needed."
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