Amy Lugowski
President
Annual Walk Director
Amy Lugowski first participated with her husband, Craig, in the 2007 A Walk to Remember, after the loss of their twin boys Aiden and Benjamin to TTTS in February of that year. Amy and Craig were introduced to the foundation, as many are, at the hospital during delivery of their twins. A care package with materials to assist with the grieving process was delivered to them by a nurse. It was because of these materials and the people involved in putting them together that Amy became involved in A Walk to Remember.
"Knowing what so many families go through with the loss of a baby(ies), it was imperative that she give back to the community through the education of grief resources, care packages and by the annual walk fundraiser and memorial."
SuzAnne Cortright
Vice President
Director of Volunteer Services
As I begin my story I want to send my heartfelt sympathy to you for the loss of your precious loved one. I was expecting my third child with great joy and anticipation, knowing she would change my life, believing it would all be wonderful.
My beautiful daughter, Lacey Rose, was born silently into God’s hands on August 27, 2004. We had an ultrasound at 25 weeks when we learned that her kidneys were not functioning properly and because of this, my amniotic fluid was extremely low, creating more problems. With the knowledge that she was not well, I continued to carry her for another 5 weeks. I prayed that the doctors were wrong and that she would be healthy.
Unfortunately this was not the case and I began the journey of my grief walk. I had no idea of how my heart would break. I learned that my world would never be the same. I was provided comfort through my faith, family, friends and the amazing people that were brought into my life as we walked this road together.
"There was a time when our hearts were beating together. Day’s that were so few, full of love and you. Life won’t be the same without you to hold again, in my arms to ease the pain and remember…" --John Denver
The first Walk to Remember was held two months after the birth of my daughter. While walking, I realized that the way I could mother Lacey was to give of myself and my time. It was not the way I wanted to mother her but I began to find peace in honoring her this way. My hope for A Walk to Remember is to bring much needed support and care through the love I have for my daughter to others. I have become a resource for many families as they endure this pain.
My husband and I actively volunteer for Colorado Pregnancy and Newborn Loss as a host parents during their loss group and I have been involved with their Pregnancy After Loss group. I spoke on behalf of CPNL to the March of Dimes and at CPNL’s 2008 fund raiser. I have volunteered with Rowan Tree Foundation. For the past two years I served as Prayer and Care Coordinator in a group for mothers and continue to write letters in response to prayer needs through my church. My husband and I serve the community on the Drug and Safety Awareness Board for Douglas County Schools. I am serving as Vice President for A Walk to Remember and my specific involvement will be volunteer coordination and education development.
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Leslie Rutherford
Director of Fundraising
The Rutherford’s lost their baby girl in the Fall of 2007 when Leslie was 35 weeks along. Leslie’s pregnancy had been progressing normally, although like most expectant mothers, she was a bit uncomfortable. During the first few months, Leslie felt sick to her stomach and was also admitted to the ER with a migraine headache. In the last trimester, Leslie was feeling better and had several normal appointments with her doctor. She and her family were getting everything ready for the baby when the unimaginable happened. On a calm October evening, Leslie stood up from the couch to take her 4-year-old son, Jack, to bed and she felt a gush of blood.
Allen, her husband, rushed her to the hospital where the doctors confirmed the worst. There was no heartbeat; their baby was gone. While trying to decide whether or not to go through with a VBAC, Leslie’s bleeding became profuse and the doctor’s hurried her into surgery.
Her placenta had erupted due to pre-eclampsia and the bleeding would not stop due to a blood coagulation process called disseminated intravascular coagulation. The situation was also complicated by the presence of HELLP Syndrome. After transfusing Leslie with three units of platelets, the doctors performed a C-Section, got the bleeding under control and saved Leslie’s life.
After surgery Allen, Leslie and Leslie’s parents were blessed to spend six short hours with their beautiful baby girl, Annie. A non-profit organization, Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, sent a photographer who took a series of beautiful pictures of Annie that they will treasure forever.
After losing her daughter, Leslie has struggled to find meaning in the loss. An opportunity to give back first presented itself when Leslie got word that the founders of “A Walk to Remember” were not planning to continue the event. Although some days are still a struggle to find the sense in a senseless tragedy, she hopes to create awareness about this subject that is rarely, if ever, discussed.
Leslie has worked for non-profit organizations since 1997 in various capacities including marketing, development and administrative. She hopes that her experience will serve to keep "A Walk to Remember" accessible to all who take this difficult journey.
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Brandi Bradley
Director of Media and Public Relations
My name is Brandi Bradley and I just turned 33 years old. I have been married for almost ten years and knew that I wanted to wait to have children until I completed Physical Therapy school. Most of my friends and family got pregnant at the drop of a hat, so I just assumed that when I was ready I wouldn’t have any problems! Much to my surprise I would have to wait almost four long years and endure things I never thought possible. Jay and I struggled with infertility for four years before deciding to go through with in vitro. I never realized how difficult the unexplained infertility struggle was-until I was in the midst of it! I wanted desperately to have some sort of diagnosis, so I could understand why it was so hard for me to get pregnant. The day I decided to do the cycle, I was nervous, scared and anxious. Again wondering why I was having to go through something like this when there were so many people that were pregnant that didn’t want children. That was just the beginning of the “life is so unfair comments.” If only I had known what was in store for me, I would have wanted those days back.
We found out June 29th, 2006 that we were pregnant. It was one of the happiest days of my life. Two weeks later we found out we had been blessed with twins and I couldn’t believe that I was going to not only be a first time mom, but one to two babies at the same time!! I got to watch them grow through ultrasound every two weeks and was amazed at their change each visit. At about sixteen weeks, we found out we were having a little boy and a little girl-my life couldn’t be better! We started on the nursery, with the help of our family and poured every ounce of love into it that we had. We could hardly contain ourselves and neither could our friends or family. We immediately started picking out names and the twins were no longer Baby A and Baby B, but they became Michael Cole Bradley and Emerson Riley Bradley. Over the next few months, their personalities really started to show, Cole was the calm, cool, and collected twin and his sister was going to be my wild child. We had four weeks left until our approximate due date and went in for our weekly ultrasound and I found myself very anxious. As the ultrasound tech looked at Cole, I began to relax. He looked great. She then went up to Emerson and very abruptly said something was wrong and that she couldn’t find a heartbeat. In that instant, my life changed forever. They kept trying to find out what had happened and no one had a clue. We were placed in the hospital for the next four weeks to allow Cole to continue to grow until he was 36 weeks in gestation. I was on a monitor for him 23 hours a day and watched part of my stomach grow and the other part flatten. I was completely devastated, and at the same time trying to be strong for Cole. I was scared to death that I was going to lose him too. I was supposed to be taking birthing classes and getting ready for two babies to come home, instead of was trying to decide whether or not to bury or cremate Emerson. That is something no parent should ever have to decide!
Four long weeks passed and nothing could have prepared me for their birth. Instead of being excited about bringing two babies home, I was preparing for Cole to arrive and at the same time to bury my daughter. About one hour after they were born, we held a memorial in the hospital for Emerson for all of our family and friends. I sat in my wheelchair holding my son and looking at my dead daughter, wondering how my life could have turned out this way!
Over the last year, I have found myself transitioning through the stages of grief. At first I was completely numb, followed be utter sadness, and then came anger. I was in the anger stage for a VERY long time. Angry not only that I lost my daughter, but that I would never be that happy-go-lucky person again. I had to learn to grieve not only the loss of my daughter, but the loss of who I used to be as well. Then I realized that being angry was not going to honor Emerson or allow me to be a good mother to Cole. I have since moved on to acceptance, not that I am not angry or sad most days!!
I am very passionate about the walk, because I am always trying to find ways to remember Emerson. The walk is one of the most beautiful things I have ever been a part of. It also gives your family members a way to grieve the baby that they lost as well. I am trying to find something positive that will come from losing Emerson, and now I really feel that my job is to help other families get through this process and not to feel alone in their walk with grief!! I am saddened that anyone has to be a part of this, but encouraged that you will find support from the members of this foundation. Be strong and be kind to yourself, this is a journey that we will each experience every day for the rest of our lives.
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Jill McDaniel
Director of Bereavement Care and Support Services
Jill McDaniel joined the Walk to Remember to help build a network where all area hospitals are prepared with bereavement care packages for families who are facing this most devastating loss. In 2006, Jill and her husband Justin moved back to their native Colorado to be closer to family and focus on starting their own family. Jill quit her high school science teaching job in Arizona and Justin found an engineering job in the Denver area. After their first round of in-vitro, Jill was pregnant with twins, a girl and boy. However, on December 2, 2007, their children JL and JL were born prematurely.
After seven long years of fertility problems, Jill finally gave birth to a healthy little girl, Jade Emma, in January 2009. "We now have two children that soar above and our little girl we hold dearly in our arms each day."
As a result of their own experience, Jill is especially passionate about the bereavement care packages the hospitals will receive from the fundraising of the Walk to Remember. Jill and Justin were able to hold their little girl and boy, take pictures and create some lasting memories because of the guidance of their hospital staff and bereavement counselor. In their darkest hour, they were able to choose clothes, hats, and blankets for their twins. They received a journal, camera, grief support resources, and books that helped them cope with the devastating loss of their children. "We felt completely lost, alone and empty. The bereavement package and support resources truly made a difference in our lives. If someone else has to go through this horrible nightmare, then I want them to have the support we did."
Courtney Fay
Co-Director of Education and Awareness Services
Following years of fertility treatments, Courtney and her husband, Jeff, were thrilled in March 2007 when they able to become pregnant with twins via in-vitro fertilization. In July they learned they were having fraternal twin boys. Thrilled by the impending birth of their sons, they began taking first time parent classes, preparing a nursery, and reading all the books on raising twins they could find. The morning of August 14, 2007, all those dreams came to a devastating end when Courtney awoke, bleeding. They rushed to their local hospital in Greeley where they learned that Courtney’s cervix had collapsed under the weight of the two boys and that Twin A’s bag of water was slipping through the opening. She was immediately placed on a Flight for Life helicopter bound for Presbyterian/St. Luke’s medical center in Denver.
The doctors at P/SL carefully explained the procedure that they hoped would save both boys, and after determining that there was no developing infection, Courtney was rushed into surgery. She was inverted with her feet up in the air and everyone waited for gravity to do its job. Twin A’s bag of water slipped back into its proper place and the doctors began to work on an emergency cercalage (a series of stitches that would hold the cervix closed). However, in the process of placing the cercalage, Twin A’s bag of water ruptured, placing him, his brother, and Courtney all at risk for a life threatening infection. The doctors insisted that Courtney proceed with a Delayed Interval Delivery where Twin A would be delivered and the cercalage would be placed before Twin B had the chance to turn and move into position for delivery. Unfortunately, no heroic efforts are taken to save a baby born below 24 weeks, and since Courtney was only 22 weeks and 4 days pregnant, this would mean that Twin A, if born alive, would not be resuscitated when he stopped breathing.
Ian Charles was born at 4:12pm and died peacefully in his father’s arms at 4:50pm.
Courtney was placed on 22 hour a day bed rest for the duration of her pregnancy, which Courtney and Jeff prayed would be as long as possible. Courtney spent 12 weeks on bed rest, 8 of them hospitalized at P/SL.
Connor Andrew was born November 5 at 11:48am. He spent 10 days in the NICU before being allowed to go home with his very excited parents.
Courtney is thrilled to join the Walk To Remember Foundation as Co-Director of Education Services. She decided on Ian’s first birthday that since he was not able to bring meaning and purpose to his own brief life, she would do it for him. Having worked in education for the last 8 years, first for Sylvan Learning Centers and now as a School Counselor at Heath Middle School in Greeley, she is confident that working on education programs through the Walk to Remember is a perfect fit! She looks forward to pairing her education background with the nursing background of her Co-Director and friend, Sadie Iverson, to bring programs to area hospitals that will help ensure all bereaved parents receive the best possible bereavement services.
Courtney has enjoyed every moment with her beautiful, brilliant, and hilarious son, Connor, but is still emotionally devastated by the unexplainable loss of his twin brother, Ian. She finds herself constantly struck by the “should have been” moments and milestones that Connor will experience alone and not in tandem with Ian. She knows that the pain of losing Ian will never go away, but she also knows that by joining with the other dedicated members of the Walk to Remember Foundation, she will be able to continue to find solace by helping others through the long, dark journey of losing their precious child.
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Sadie Iverson
Co-Director of Education and Awareness Services
In April of 2007, my husband Hans and I found out we were having fraternal twins. We were ecstatic like most new parents. On October 1, 2007 our boys, Garett and Jack, were born 13 weeks premature. We lost our son Jack, 2 days after their birth, due to complications from prematurity. Thankfully, after spending 54 days in the NICU, Garret is now a happy, healthy little boy.
Through this journey I have met strong women who have taught me and supported me along the way. Their compassion, kindness and wisdom is invaluable and immeasurable. I have joined the Walk to Remember to honor the memory of our son and give back to those traveling this sad unexpected journey. No one should ever have to experience the loss of a child alone.
Carrie Ruiz
Secretary and Treasurer
In 2003, Larry and I found out we were going to have our first baby. We were both so excited. We gave our son the name Caleb Joseph Ruiz.
I was getting ready for work one day when my water broke. I was only 22 weeks along in the pregnancy. Larry drove home from work and rushed me to my OB/GYN. He performed an ultrasound immediately. We could tell by the look of doom on his face that something was horribly wrong. He said that my membranes had completely ruptured and there was nothing that he could do. He told us that within a week Caleb would die. He sent us to a perinatologist for a second ultrasound.
We left the office shell-shocked. At the second ultrasound it was evident that the amniotic fluid was all but gone. The doctor told us that we had two options. We could either terminate the pregnancy or we could pray that luck was on our side and I could go on complete bedrest. We were told that sometimes the amniotic fluid regenerates on its own. If we could make it to 24 weeks they would admit to the hospital and do everything they could to save the baby.
I went home and diligently drank water around the clock….only to have all the fluid leak back out every time I stood up. I was slowly realizing that I might not be able to save this baby on my own.
I endured almost a week of excruciating pain and contractions while at home. Every time I called the doctor he told me that I had made my choice and this is what would happen…it was inevitable that I would lose the baby.
Finally, one week to the day that my water broke I could not stand the pain anymore. Larry got home from work and rushed me to the hospital. I was admitted to a room. The nurse could not find the heartbeat of our dear Caleb. That’s when I went into shock….literally.
Thirty five minutes after arriving at the hospital I gave birth to Caleb with my husband and two nurses present. All the while I was screaming in terror at the thought of seeing my dead baby and wondering why this was happening to us.
Caleb Joseph Ruiz was stillborn on July 7, 2003 at 6:03 pm. He weighed 1 lb 2 ounces and was 12 inches long. He looked perfectly normal….just really small. I could even tell that his hands looked exactly like mine. We were able to spend some time with him and dress him and take some pictures before we had to say our final goodbye.
After I lost Caleb I went through many medical tests to find out why my membranes ruptured. It was later discovered that I have incompetent cervix. I could not physically hold the weight of the baby without surgical involvement. When I got pregnant the second time they performed a shirodkar cerclage at 14 weeks that would permanently prevent my cervix from dilating prematurely.
We have two more sons now both delivered by c-section. Zach and Evan are truly gifts from God.
I joined the Walk to Remember to honor Caleb and reach out to other women that have gone through this horrible journey of losing a child. I feel honored to work with such an amazing group of people on the Board of Directors.
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